Are you completely confused when you listen to liberals explain global warming? Do you ever wonder what a carbon footprint is? Are you up all night trying to determine what a carbon offset is? Do your liberal pals make fun of you because you don't know how to carbon neutralize yourself?



When I was watching the Oscars with my girlfriend(trust me, I'd much rather rip the skin off my hand and stick it in a bowl of hot salt water than watch this award show) our friendly liberal Hollywood elites continued to mention these phrases I had never heard of. After my fifteenth glass of Bordeaux, right before I passed out, I decided that I would research exactly what it was they were rambling on about.

Recently we've heard some news that former Vice President Algore has a huge palace in Tennessee where he uses a lot of energy to heat, cool and light it. It was obvious that Algore tells us to do one thing while he does another. Hypocrisy if you will. At this time, the Algore people were carrying on about how Algore is not a hypocrite at all. They explained that Algore uses many carbon offsets to neutralize his carbon footprint. Suddenly I saw an image in my mind of Leonardo DiCaprio drooling on Algore at the Oscars. So I decided to do my own homework assignment.

You see Algore uses at least twelve times(most estimates
figure it to be at least twenty times) the power use that the average
American home uses. He does however use many "carbon offsets" to, well offset
his energy use. A "carbon offset" can make your energy use "carbon
neutral". A carbon offset is a way in which you can offset the
carbon you emit into our air.

In lay terms, which is the only way non-algoreans(any/all non-liberal or
non-Democrat who is not smart enough, as the intellectual liberals
who know best for the rest) can comprehend this is when you emit
gases from, say, your SUV. There are ways to "neutralize" the carbon
effect. One example of a carbon offset can be by planting trees
which turn carbon dioxide into oxygen. Another way is to use a
renewable energy source such as wind, solar and bio fuel. Thus you
have become "carbon neutral". This in turn, lowers your "carbon
footprint" which any Leo DiCaprio fan understands to be the
measurement of the amount of carbon dioxide(CO2) any individual,
organization or government emits into our air.



Algore is able to get away with flying around the world on private
airplanes, using all the energy at his home, cooking/eating beef and
everything else he does that pollutes our air because he is able to
neutralize his carbon footprint by using carbon offsets such as
planting trees around his home, using florescent lightbulbs,
driving around in vehicles that uses 10% bio fuel(the rest is pure
93 octane), lecturing the world on how we can better the environment
(which in the environmental camp is actually considered a carbon
offset) and he soon will be placing solar panels up at his house, er
mansion.

Yes, that is how Algore, Arianna Huffington, Leo DiCaprio, Melissa
Etheridge and the rest of the elite Global Warming opportunists tell
the media and their followers as to why Algore can get away with it. As the great rap masters Public Enemy once said, "Don't believe the hype."

I've planted trees and plants. What have you done to neutralize your
carbon footprint??????